chasing after... what?

looking at newspapers on the coffee table, they make me sick. frustrated.
what's hot right now?
heh.
the never-ending inter-nation conflict. you know what i mean.

a year back, i was granted by my sponsor (read: Allah) to further my study in medicine, in this country. compared to other favourable countries, this country that I'm going is rewarded with earthquakes, volcano eruptions, dense population of human race, high inequality of income distribution, and not to forget, the endless inter-nation conflict with my own country.

for a normal medic student, we might put a 'doctor' to be solely our dream.
apa- apa pun orang tanya, "saya tak kesah apa pun yang jadi, yang saya tahu, saya nak dan akan jadi doktor jugak~!"
wahhhh.... determined sungguh student ini.
Tiada apa yang salah di situ. Apa yang diimpikan itu tidak salah, because that's what will drive the student forward.
Tapi, awak penah tak fikir other possibilities yang boleh jadi?

previously, medic students in Padang had been called back and can't further their studies in this country because of the massive earthquake that hit their area last year. well, jakarta isn't an exception.
plus, the inter-nation conflict that mainly targetting people in jakarta. and it isnt far from where i'm staying truly.

so many (negative)thoughts running in my head. and if one think of it too much, one can eventually breaks down to tears.

pernah fikir tak,

" kalau saya tak jadi doktor, saya akan jadi apa?"
" dah nak masuk 2 tahun belajar medic, tiba2 biasiswa ditarik balik, saya nak buat apa?"
" macam mana kalau saya mati before saya sempat graduate?"

........

kita hidup, bukan setakat nak kejar degree/ license to be a doctor tu je.
there's gotta be more to life than that.
and there's more in the after life.
kalau awak setakat fikir nak jadi doktor, specialist, consultant, habisla awak bila cita2 awak tu tak kesampaian. Habisla awak bila Allah takdirkan bukan itu yang terbaik untuk awak jadi. takut tak? takut tak? :P

Tanya balik diri awak, doktor je ke yang saya nak jadi? Tak nak lebih dari itu?

Ingat balik tujuan hidup kita,
kenapa kita dicipta.
Then you'll be relieved + calm for whatever He has decided for you.
Tak kisahla negara yang awak pergi aman ke tak, awak betul- betul jadi doktor ke tak, sebab awak tahu, ada sesuatu yang lebih penting dari itu semua. Awak tahu ada benda yang lebih besar yang awak kejar berbanding cita- cita yang kecil itu. Awak tahu awak kejar sesuatu yang takkan berakhir kat dunia ni je, tapi boleh bawa sampai ke alam sana.


Tanya balik diri awak,
"Apa sebenarnya yang saya kejar sekarang ni?"

whatever it is, pray that Allah gives us the strength to face whatever He has decided for us. and there's nothing to worry, sebab
"Allah kan ada :) "

p/s: dulu saya suka sangat lagu there's gotta be more to life by stacie oricco. listening to it right now from different point of view makes me appreciate the lyric more :) o0h terima kasih juga kpd konflik yang tak habis2 ni. you add up some spice in my journey + you make me think again of what i'm chasing after. betulkan niat insyaAllah. Thanks Allah :)