Friday, April 23, 2010

the notebook(s)

assalamualaikum.

seeing those faces that i always know today, it feels like it has been such a long time since the last time i meet them.
sitting there again. opening up the notebook to jote down anything valuable for this soul of mine.
two notebooks were brought along. one has notes that i got way back from malaysia. as a reference since i'll be listening to a similar topic today.
the other notebook is a fresh one, for me to write anything new today.

the old notebook flipped.
it's a small book. cute one. i kept since i was in standard 6.
too many things were written there.
all the programs that i have been.
many murabbis that have poured their will and soul to open our eyes.
the spirit that this soul felt, elevated when her iman is far from the x- axis.
but why does the Me today has lost those precious feelings?

(at the Heart's door)
knock. knock.
O0h my. it's so hard.
i cant see anything inside.
please shove some light inside so that i can see.




the notebook was closed.
the silly looking handwriting inside it replenishes this heart of mine.
before today, i've learned many things.
that's what the notebook showed me.
it seems like i forgot.
but now i remember again.


Berapa banyak ilmu yang kita sudah pernah peroleh, tapi hanya sedikit yang menjadi fikrah.

Go back and check yourself again.

It will be a waste of many trees that will be cut for the sake of making a notebook, but unfortunately the thing inside the notebook has never been revised, or remembered by it's owner. What a great lost.

"Perumpamaan orang- orang yang diberi tugas membawa Taurat, kemudian mereka tidak membawakannya (tidak mengamalkannya) adalah seperti keldai yang membawa kitab- kitab yang sangat tebal (tetapi tidak memahaminya). Sangat buruk perumpamaan kaum yang mendustakan ayat- ayat Allah. Dan Allah tidak memberi petunjuk kepada orang yang zalim"
Al-Jumu'ah: 05.

Friday, April 2, 2010

tapak

2001.

UPSR.

cikgu: awak semua mesti belajar sungguh-sungguh untuk peperiksaan ni. ia akan menjadi tapak untuk kamu semua untuk dapat tempat di sekolah2 yg bagus nanti. mudahkan awak untuk capai cita2 awak.

2004.

PMR.

cikgu: buat exam ni betul- betul. nanti awak boleh stay di skolah ni, atau awak keluar dan ambil jurusan lain, yg lari dari cita- cita awak. ini tapak untuk awak berjaya.


2006.

SPM.

ini peperiksaan paling penting untuk awak. akan tentukan apa yg awak akan jadi pada masa depan nanti. semuanya nanti terletak pada keputusan peperiksaan ni. inilah tapak untuk kehidupan awak yg akan datang.


2009.

International Baccalaureate exam May 2009.

this is just the beginning of your journey to become a doctor.
again, it's the 'Step'. Tapak .

a friend of mine said,
"asyik tapak je. bila nak betul- betulnya??"

saya tersenyum.
sinis.
(another friend of mine realized i'm smiling cynically)

atmaku berkata:

"Awak lupa yg hidup ni hanya permainan dan senda gurau? tiada yang realiti kat sini. yang 'betul- betul' tu hanya di sana nanti. Afterlife.

Indeed, this world that we're living today is a step towards the other world. the other life. if you cant see beyond this world, then you'll always whining, why does the hardship in this life never ends?

Kenapa susah sangat nak belajar jadi doktor ni?
Kenapa banyak sangat exam ni?
Kenapa tebal sangat buku anatomi ni?
Kenapa lama sangat belajar nak grad ni?
Kenapa aku pilih nak jadi doktor dulu?
Kenapa, kenapa, kenapa?

Try ketuk sikit kepala awak tu. Suruh kepala awak fikir. Apa yang awak kejar kat dunia ni selain cita-cita awak yg takdela hebat sangat tuh. Sila jawab.




apa yang kita kejar sebenarnya?

hidup = sentiasa membuat kita terkejar- kejar,

jika kita tidak nampak matlamat hidup.

tidak nampak destinasi hidup terakhir.

tidak nampak apa yang menunggu di sebalik yang zahir.