Friday, August 27, 2010

cantik itu persepsi

it has been exactly a year since the day i arrived here. and this is what i wrote back then. n true enough, I know that He has placed me right at where i belong. Grateful enough, happy enough, content enough as He is the best planner of all.

"Allah itu maha adil. dia letak kita betul di tempat yg sepatutnya."

pengisian yg saya dpt 2 3 hari di malaysia ni, sgt2 meaningful. rezeki yg Allah bg itu adalah utk dekatkan diri kita pd Allah. pd pandangan manusia, ada yg buruk, ada yg baik. tapi bg Allah, Allah memang dah letak semuanya pd condition yg terbaik utk kita dekatkn diri pd Allah. be it kita suka/ x, itulah rezeki terbaik yg Allah bg utk kita yg akan dekatkn kita pd Dia. but it depends on individu itu sndri, to exploit rezeki yg Dia bg itu atau tidak.
(bicara soal takdir mmg selalu meng'amaze'kan saya ^^ )

When I said Jakarta, what comes into your mind?
Months before, what I thought was an urban city, dusts, noise, pollution, lack of modernization and urbanisation, a city that is left behind compared to other capitals in this world. Ugliness.
Mind me, I had only been in this country when I was 4 years old. Itu pun I went to Sumatera, not this Java Island. With tourism agency. And tourist guide. Huhu.

Touch down.

Arrival time 1455 pm, 27 August 2009.

What’s on my mind before is nearly accurate, plus the famous traffic jam and lots of people selling anything they can in the middle of the road to win the bread for their selves and family. ‘Pengamen’, dorongan,* you name it, you will see it on the streets of Jakarta.

I hate big cities. I can’t stand the noise, I can’t stand many people walking around me and I feel lost in translation. I hate their prejudice towards the people of my country, I hate them for recognizing me as one. Ooh, I generalize too much. Not all of them, some of them only.

The place I’m living now and for the next 5 years is a big city. Really big and busy. Bigger and busier than Kuala Lumpur. The drains are clogged, the rivers are black, the streets are crowded with houses, and the passerbies are all full with people selling many things, trying to attract your attention. The streets are dusty since it’s rarely raining here (except for January and February when rain brings flood), smeared with spits and sometimes you can even see the phlegm. Dogs barking, rats moving around happily at night and even bats are flying above you. Cats are dirty, no more adorable.

Are you whining, Basirah?

No, I'm not.

There’s this one day. I walked along this street and suddenly the wind blew. Leaves are falling gracefully, like you see when autumn comes. I stopped and lookup to the bright sky, trying to seal the moment.

Yesterday I walk back alone from my friend’s house. A dirty cat walked near me. I cooed him a bit, and the cat even walks with me all my way back. A companion when you never expected it, I must say.

The other day, I went to pasar pagi near my neighbourhood. It’s like Pasar Tani basically. With many more variety of things being sold. It’s dirty, but here in this country, who cares.

Here, I love to see the dorongan passing by in front of my house, tukang jahit bergerak yang bawa mesin jahit pegi mana2 pun, playground yang penuh dengan orang dewasa n kanak2, es buah and gado2 yang sedap, warteg n warkop* yang provide cheap food, naik bajaj yang menyeronokkan, my housemates yang eventhough we are all from different races and religions tapi sangat2 baik n memahami, jalanraya yang sentiasa busy tapi adventurous, dan baaaaanyak lagi.

I grow accustomed to all of it now.There are many scenes happening around me that is worth being portrayed. For me, even pakcik yang jual2 tepi jalan tu pun worth a snap. People are really an attractive subject to be pictured.

Train our eyes to see beauty in every happening around us.

Since I only got Jakarta for me to be appreciated, I got to make the best out of it, aite?

I don’t have Edinburgh to admire, Cliff of Moher to awe, buildings of Prague to fantasize. I don’t find koala to hug or kiwi fruits to take back.

Since You give me Jakarta, I guess it’s my responsibility to make the best out of it.

Stop whining or blaming your fate.

See beauty in every of His creations.

Shift your paradigm.

This is written after 2 months I’ve been here. Not that this country doesn’t have any picturesque spot. I don’t reach Bandung, Yogyakarta and Bali yet, which are famous for their natural beauty.

*Pengamen: Musician on the streets, usually playing guitar and singing in the middle of the road during traffic jam, intending to obtain some money from the driver/ passengers.
* Dorongan: Orang jual2 yang bergerak.
* Warteg: warung tegar, selling food like nasi campur bla bla.
* warkop: warung kopi.
* bajaj: tricycle with engine. Very loud engine.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

when she wished for a brain tumour

this is a story of an 11 years old kid, who dreamt to die with a brain tumour.

she knew that it is painful, but she cant help herself to wish for it.
she felt loveless, unappreaciated in her family, as the middle child used to be left on her own as others think that she's able to take care of herself since she's neither the oldest nor the youngest. she tried her hardest to be as smart her older siblings, to be at least significant to her family. most nights she cried in her sleep as she pushed her emotions deep deep in her heart, thinking nobody cares for her.
that's why she wished for a brain tumour, so that she will caught the attention of her family, and to know that suddenly when everyone know that she got the tumour, everyone will also give extra care for her.
or when she dies, everyone will wept for her.
and they will remember her as 'the-one-who-died-because-of-brain-tumour'.
especially for her family, she wanted them to regret their inappreciativeness towards her.

every now and then when she got a headache, she will asked herself, "is this it? is it a tumour?"
when the pain subsided, she will sighed...

nearly a decade passed,
she realized that she no longer wish for it.
to remember back how desperate she was years years ago to wish for a brain tumour, she can laugh out loud at her pathetic self those years ago.

when she found her meaning of life,
she knows that there's gotta be more to life.
she will not make anyone worry, as she knows that there's a huge responsibility that she's taking in her life, that she's paying with her soul.
either her soul is valuable or not, that is what she will present to The One she trades with soon. She wants to stay strong, making her life valuable to her creator.

“We are all waiting for the day to die. Either it is by Apache, or by cardiac arrest.. it is the same. I prefer Apache!” - as-syahid Abdul al- Aziz al- Rantisi.

She never know of how she will die,
but she prays that Allah gives her the strength so that she will die not as 'just-another-patient', but the one who will leave a mark in other's journey of life.

o0h, it's fine if no one remembers her.
Most importantly, she wants His ridha upon her.

That might and will satisfies her insyaAllah.