i want my name to mean me

it started from a taujihat by Syeikh Hamid in 2011.

all of my life, that was the very first time i truly understand the meaning of my name, and what's follow.

which made, this is my favourite verse from the Quran.

"Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): "Inilah jalanku, aku dan orang-orang yang menurutku, menyeru manusia umumnya kepada agama Allah dengan berdasarkan keterangan dan bukti yang jelas nyata. Dan aku menegaskan: Maha suci Allah (dari segala iktiqad dan perbuatan syirik); dan bukanlah aku dari golongan yang mempersekutukan Allah dengan sesuatu yang lain." 

(Yusuf: 108)

teringat this one time, when a pakcik asked my name, and i pronounced it as 'Basirah' with the light Ra. then he simply pronounced it as it should be,with the thick Ra, like 'Basiroh'. terharu kejap. sebenarnya kalau tilawah, memang baca as Basiroh pun kan. hurm2..

and the tafseer of that particular word sangatlaaa deep.
and lebih faham & connected bila dah berada di jalan dnt ni insyaAllah.
sape2 yang belum dapat tafsir surah ni, sila la tuntut hak anda kat mana yg sepatutnya ;p

ada yg kata, kalau nama berat2 ni tapi anak tu tak sanggup nak tanggung, nanti perangai dia terbalik dengan maksud nama dia. and worst, kene ubah nama atau letak @.
ngaaaa~

but then, sangat suka la bila tahu, kenapa by usia 22 years old baru faham maksud nama sendiri betul2. kenapa bukan lagi awal.
because that is the time that's decided by Him before i was born lagi that i should know and get the fikrah by this and this age. not earlier, no later by that.

berat dan segan bila tafsir ayat ni dibicarakan, dan banyak mata memandang this person that bear that kalimah as her name.

betul- betul dah laksanakan ke tak apa yang ayat ni suruh?

=.=


sangat suka this verse from my favourite book that i read years back, and this verse really portray how i feel when i learn the tafsir of the ayat from Quran. always.

simply said,

"I want my name to mean me."
 

- The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time-

adaptation time?

writing this as a reminder in the future,

bila mana langkah semakin perlahan (nauzubillah).

unlike medical programs in other countries, here in indonesia we're entering our clinical years only after completing 3 and a half years of study. from BfGs, they said that clinical years here will be much the same as housemanship years in malaysia. basically, we're doing everything.
so my time has come alhamdulillah and astaghfirullah.

since it's my fourth year already, of course many murabbis will be back for good very soon this year.

restructuring, replanning, re- everything, which insyaAllah, for good.

satu benda Basirah.

bila terasa berat, mungkin jiwamu yg lemah.
bila terasa perlahan, mungkin permulaanmu yang tidak benar.
bila terasa penat, mungkin hamasah dan tumuhatmu yang pudar.
bila terasa dunia seolah terlalu meminta- minta darimu, ingatlah bahawa syurga itu tidak murah.
dibayar oleh darah, keringat dan air mata para mujahidin.

jangan pernah bergantung pada manusia.
kerana fitrah manusia adalah bergantung pada Penciptanya.

jangan pernah berharap pada selain-Nya,
kerana mereka tidak mampu untuk berbuat sebaik Dia.

tiada alasan melainkan imanmu yang lemah yang menarikmu dari berhempas pulas untuk Dia.
jangan jadikan kesibukan dunia ni alasan.



tiada masa adaptasi untukmu sekiranya kamu sedar bahwa tanggungjawab melebihi waktu yang ada.

of weight gain and this Life

when a full month went by being with the closed ones,
what do you expect?
you'll feed yourself non stop, eating out here and there as family outings.
went to grandma's who made lemang and rendang specially for the rarely-coming-home-grandkids.

result: expected weight gain.

then came back here.
met sisters i know from years back, during my early days of tarbiyah.
typical XX gene holder said,"huuu pipi makin tembam la kak :( "
then the other replied, "takpe la. maksudnya awak hepi la tu dok jakarta ni."

gulp banyak2 kali.

hepi sangat ke?

hepi tak salah.

 but personally, i took this as a grim reminder that i might not be doing what i'm suppose to do with this life like i should.  banyak sangat masa ke sampai boleh makan banyak2?
banyak sangat duit ke yang boleh spend untuk food je? takde mende lain ke nak fikir?

macam mana dengan cerita Nabi sampai ikat perut dengan batu?
sahabat sampai tak cukup air nak minum lantas syahid?
makanan tak cukup masa perang ahzab?

in  Riyadhus Salihin, this was stated.

"Ketika Amirul mu’minin Umar bin Khatab bertemu seorang sahabat yg perutnya buncit, ditanya:
Umar: Ada apa dengan perutmu ya fulan..?
Fulan: Ini adalah anugerah dari Allah.
Umar: Celakalah kau fulan, ini adalah adzab dari Allah."


*pengsan*


Allah..

teringat sorang akak cool (truly save her name in my fon as "kak *** cool") ni said to a person, bilamana this person was given many masuliyahs.
"haaa habisla. lepas ni biar b***** lembik dengan dnt".

cukup lembikkah kita dengan dnt sampai dah takde senggang waktu nak wat mende pelik2?
cukup lembikkah kita sampai semua tenaga, masa, duit, emosi diinfaqkan kepada dnt?

kalau belum, mungkin kita dilembikkan dengan mende2 lain tak perlu yg menambah beban kat diri nih.


astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah.


may makin ringan badan, makin laju berlari. Yosh~!!!!