she knew that it is painful, but she cant help herself to wish for it.
she felt loveless, unappreaciated in her family, as the middle child used to be left on her own as others think that she's able to take care of herself since she's neither the oldest nor the youngest. she tried her hardest to be as smart her older siblings, to be at least significant to her family. most nights she cried in her sleep as she pushed her emotions deep deep in her heart, thinking nobody cares for her.
that's why she wished for a brain tumour, so that she will caught the attention of her family, and to know that suddenly when everyone know that she got the tumour, everyone will also give extra care for her.
or when she dies, everyone will wept for her.
and they will remember her as 'the-one-who-died-because-of-brain-tumour'.
especially for her family, she wanted them to regret their inappreciativeness towards her.
every now and then when she got a headache, she will asked herself, "is this it? is it a tumour?"
when the pain subsided, she will sighed...
nearly a decade passed,
she realized that she no longer wish for it.
to remember back how desperate she was years years ago to wish for a brain tumour, she can laugh out loud at her pathetic self those years ago.
when she found her meaning of life,
she knows that there's gotta be more to life.
she will not make anyone worry, as she knows that there's a huge responsibility that she's taking in her life, that she's paying with her soul.
either her soul is valuable or not, that is what she will present to The One she trades with soon. She wants to stay strong, making her life valuable to her creator.
“We are all waiting for the day to die. Either it is by Apache, or by cardiac arrest.. it is the same. I prefer Apache!” - as-syahid Abdul al- Aziz al- Rantisi.
She never know of how she will die,
but she prays that Allah gives her the strength so that she will die not as 'just-another-patient', but the one who will leave a mark in other's journey of life.
o0h, it's fine if no one remembers her.
Most importantly, she wants His ridha upon her.
That might and will satisfies her insyaAllah.
9 comments:
awak ek bashu? :P
nice one bashu...=)
saya baru baca hadis sahih dalam riyadhus solihin.. kalau kte mmg nk sgt mati syahid.. allah akan perkenankan.. n even kte mati atas katil.. still akan dpt syahid tuh..
fuhh best kan. jom kte jual harta jiwa n diri kte utk jalan allah.
take care dear.
loves sangat,
:)
eh, cerite ni lebey kurang crite saye.. huhu..
dolu2 waktu sy kecik, sy penah berdoa spy dapat brain tumour, x pon leukemia.. sbb sy nk rs macam mane sakitnye orng yng ade penyakit tu.. n now when i'm having headache, sy akn terfikir blek doa sy dolu2 tu.. huhu.. cuak2..
sepatutnye kite kene bersyukur ape yng Allah bg pade kite.. (^^)v
@ adlan: maybe yes, maybe not. if yes, then it's the pathetic me wayyy years ago.huhu :)
@ anonymous: tenks :) happy ramadhan :)
@ :) - wahh happynye baca ape yg awak komen ni :) jazakillah byk2 sis ^o^
@ azrin: wahhh saya ingat kanak2 ni sorg je yg psycho to dream things macam ni. but reason azrin sangatla beza dgn reason kanak2 dlm cerita ni. heee.
yup2. syukuri apa yg ada, n make a full use of apa yg kita ada insyaallah :)
nice nice.. anyways, I wished that it was because of a brain tumour that makes me the way I am. The "bad" way that I am. :-P
whatever it is, Allah has given us the best so far (and in the future). nothing to blame on :)
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